music+religion=$

When I was young, the music I always heard in the car was that of Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, and sometimes even the Gathers, unfortunately. I used to hate the sound of the organ, probably because I associated it with our pastor's endless sermons, and the only reason I liked the church lady solos was because all the boring stuff stopped for a while and I had the chance to make a little noise. Christian music definitely affected my aesthetic view and as I grew up and defied my my mom's wishes for what music I'd listen to, I began to hear more of what made my ears happy.

I try my hardest not to associate music with religion. Spirituality? Yes. Religion? No. The music I find to be the most spiritual are Indian ragas. The drones make me think of the vibrations that are ringing through the universe and the steady drumming steadies my concentration on ideas and questions I have regarding life and existence. I also have spiritual experiences while either listening to or playing classical music, Brahms and Beethoven especially. Oh and Mahler, also. One of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had with music took place during a summer chamber festival I attended a couple years back. A group of the musicians decided to go to a performance of the Royal Philharmonic and it just so happened that they'd be playing Mahler's 3rd symphony. I had never heard any of Mahler's works before, so I had no idea what to expect. One of the professors tried to sing some of the themes for me and explain what I might feel, but the words he used did not even begin to describe the affect the music had on me. It was one of the most beautiful and magnificent things I'd ever heard or seen, and I cried straight through the 4th and 5th movements. This was the only life-changing musical experience I have ever had. The only way I can describe the performance is that the musicality coming from the orchestra was like a purely perfect expression of Mahler's emotions and must have been how he heard the piece playing in his head. I had another spiritual experience while rehearsing the Mendelssohn c-minor trio this summer. After having serious doubts about playing the violin and taking about a month from practicing, I went to work at a music camp and found a pianist and cellist on staff and we decided to read trios. I could tell from the first note that we were going to jive together and we surely did. The read through wasn't performance quality, but we made real music with one another which was the catalyst for one of the most important epiphanies I've ever had. Spiritual experiences with music can depend on one's state of mind, but they can also be totally spontaneous and uncontrolled by the self. Mine tend to be pretty uncontrollable.